3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
