What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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