Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
