I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
