Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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