I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Houston, we have a squirter
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
