I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
