So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
