I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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