I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
