she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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