I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
