Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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