well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Found the puke drawer
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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