trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
