I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
