I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
