I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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