I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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