I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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