just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
