Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
