She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
