I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
