Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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