shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
