The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
