How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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