I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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