I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
