Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
