I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
