Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
