I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
