I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
