all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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