I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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