i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
