last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize