I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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