If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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