im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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