summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You pole danced in your parka.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
