Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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