I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
