dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
