Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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