i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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