I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
