So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
