If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
