i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So much Jack, so little girl.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
