I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
