The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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