Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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