i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
God gave him joint rollers for hands
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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