Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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