just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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