About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
