I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
