I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
