yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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