Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
