Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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