just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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