The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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