I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
