I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
