pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
