I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
