if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
