Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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