life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize