With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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