There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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