Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I smell stomach acid.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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