true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
