I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize