Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
