i think my mom watched the whole time
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
