I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
