My sheets look like a crime scene.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
